In an effort to avoid the crowds and the impending heat, as well as secure a decent parking spot, we headed to the beach at 9:00 Saturday morning. This was easy, since my kids’ new hobby is waking up before 6:00 am. (What the frick, kids?) The Emerald Coast lived up to its name, and the crystal clear water did not disappoint.

Andy could only stay for a short time, since he needed to be at his gallery (holiday weekend = $). He brought his stand-up paddle board, which Taylor dominated. This photo reminds me of this…

Look at Taylor and Nathan in June 2007. I cannot believe this photo was taken five years ago. The days are long, the years are short.

Two of my five step-brothers were in town. This is Daniel’s son August. Poor little guy was getting over a stomach bug, so I didn’t get to play with him like I wanted to. They live in NYC, so we only see them once a year. Sad face.

This is Brian’s daughter Aislynn. I did get to squeeze her sweet, chubby cuteness and dream of having another daughter. (What? A girl can dream. It doesn’t mean those dreams will become a reality. Chill yourselves.)

And besides, I already have a fabulous daughter. See? Taylor is awesome!

This is Daniel’s wife Jessica and their son August. They make cute kids. They should have MORE so I don’t have to.

My friend Cara came to visit from Alabama, since her family is moving 15 hours (!) away next month. I told her that the next time we see each other, I’ll probably have a child in college. Yikes. This is her daughter Addison. I failed to get a photo of her other two kids.

My sister-in-law Sarah (on the left) and our friend Misty (dynamite abs of steel) came to see Cara, too. Our friends Heather and Amanda were also there, but did they get into a photo? Nope.

Noah and Navy (Misty’s daughter) really hit it off. For a kid who was scared of the water up until a month ago, he’s a little fish now. Thank God! Summer just got more fun!

Poor Nathan. He has terrible eyes like I used to have, and now he’s dealing with the same situation I dealt with before getting contacts. When he’s at the beach, pool, or water park, he’s almost completely blind. Ugh! I hate that for him, but I don’t think he’s quite ready for contacts.

Nathan and Noah played nicely together in the Gulf. Daniel and Jessica brought a baby pool for the little kids. Jonah and Josiah were more content playing in that than being down by the [almost nonexistent] waves. Thankfully, no one pooped in the pool.

These are my step-brothers. Daniel is holding Brian’s daughter. Brian is holding Daniel’s son.

This is me, like a dang granny wearing a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT. I do miss my bikinis, but since my stretched out stomach skin looks like either oatmeal or a large scrotum (thanks, Angela!), WHATEVER.

You know who doesn’t have to wear a one piece bathing suit? Misty. Had I stopped at three children like she did, I’d look just like this. (Ha! Who am I kidding? I’m allergic to exercise!) Misty is a personal trainer, so if you live near Destin and want your stomach to look like a six pack rather than a scrotum, email her (mistybootcamp@gmail.com) for more information.

Remember how Daniel and Jessica brought a baby pool? The men brought it into the Gulf to rinse it off and they pretended to be rednecks for a minute. Fun, no?

We had the grand idea to take a photo of the cousins together. It was spectacular! Actually, no. It wasn’t. The word of the day was clearly not COOPERATION. Perhaps next time we’ll remember to take the photo before everyone is hot and ready for a nap.

And once again, Josiah made the photo amazing. Such a team player, he is.

Jonah

Taylor and Noah (playing dead again)

Knox

Josiah

Madison and Nathan

Jackson and Caleb

Keith and Katie

Kaeden

Izzy

Delaney

someone who should have worn eye make-up and Andy

Matt and Jessica

Jim and Beth

If you’re interested, we stayed at Topsail Hill Preserve State Park in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida.

My mom’s dreams came true, and the four children she birthed were all in town for Thanksgiving. You can only eat so much before you get bored. So, my step-dad constructed targets in their backyard, and some of my more adventurous family members practiced throwing darts and tomahawks.

Apparently darts and tomahawks weren’t exciting enough, so rather than shop on Black Friday, they went to the shooting range. Yes, my daughter shot a gun. I’m not sure how I feel about that, to be honest.

I really like this photo of me with my brothers. They are crazy! I’m sure you want a name with a face, so…

This is David, age 29. He’s married and has two daughters. They live in Clearwater, but they are not Scientologists.

This is Rich, age 24. He has a cool girlfriend, and they live in Maryland. He’s a college student and a college professor, at the same time. I can’t decide if that mustache makes him look more like Mario or Luigi.

This is Ben, age 22. He lives in Colorado and goes hiking and wrestles bears and stuff like that. I really like his red jacket.

Surprisingly, Josiah tolerated being this close to Ben. He usually freaks out when I put him down long enough to take a photo of him. And God forbid someone touch him. He can’t handle it!

You see? I tried to take a photo of my mom with her grandbabies, and Josiah pitched a little fit. Thanks for nothing, kid.

To be fair, Josiah doesn’t always cry. See? He can smile! He walked all over the house with this thing, but he still won’t attempt to walk unassisted. Maybe by Christmas?

My niece Olivia is six months younger than Josiah. I wouldn’t be surprised if she walks before he does.

My niece Ava loves her cousin Taylor!

But you know who became BFF? Noah and Ava. They are three months apart, and basically played together every second. It was fun to watch them. They had so much to talk about! They discussed preschool, movies, toys, etc.

I’ve basically given up having The Perfect Family Photo, 2011 Edition. This might be as good as it gets, but you know what? That’s good enough for me!

We stayed on the fifth floor of the St. Croix building. Our three-bedroom condo had a fantastic view from the wraparound balcony.

The boys thought the condo was “fancy”.

October really does have the best sunsets.

Breakfast on the balcony? Don’t mind if we do!

See the little white arrow? That’s our unit.

October is a great time of year to visit Destin beaches. The crowds are gone and the weather is beautiful.

Since it was too cold to swim in the morning, we brought the boys to the playground.

These are all the males in our family. That’s a lot of testosterone.

Nathan, Noah, and Jonah gave into temptation by late afternoon. They were freezing, but they just HAD to swim.

Jonah turned blue, so we wrapped him like a burrito while he shivered.

They were much happier playing in the indoor heated pool!

Nathan loved the hot tub.

Taylor had a couple friends come hang out with her. She was wearing my t-shirt from 1992, which reminds me…

I stayed at a condo with my family when I was her age, and had a couple friends come hang out with me. I know you’re glad I shared this jewel with you. Aren’t we so hot?

The kids pretty much ate ice cream sandwiches for every meal. What can I say? Vacation!

Josiah liked the condo during the day, but not so much at night. He woke up 752 like 7 times. Sucked to be him me.

Another award-winning sunset!

Taylor was a “cereal killer”. Ha!

Gnawing on a lollipop was the only thing that made Josiah stop crying.

This photo was taken right before the swarm of children invaded the space.

Noah and Jonah were so well behaved! It [almost] made up for Josiah being terrible.

Nathan and Jared were Mario and Luigi. They looked more legit with their fake mustaches on.

The food was great! I made this and this, and our neighbors brought delicious nom-noms.

This was the scariest costume ever. I instantly felt like my five-year-old self after seeing The Wizard of Oz for the first time.

This was the most creative costume of the night. Maybe a bit top-heavy, but so cool!

So much fun!

* Yesterday I discovered that Josiah has an ear infection, which would explain his clingy/crying behavior. Ear infections are not contagious, yet somehow 3 of my 5 kids have one right now. Nice.

• enjoyable for people ranging in age from 18 months to 35 years old
• not more than a 12-hour drive from Destin, FL
• under $4,000
• willing to fly, as long as trip stays under $4,000

Any suggestions?

After breakfast, the boys wanted to play at WaterWorks. There was a boy named Aaron there who was Noah’s long-lost identical twin. Aaron’s parents, Andy, Sarah, and I kept confusing the two of them. With similar shorts and the same color hair, plus the same hair cut, it was almost impossible to tell them apart from far away. It was funny!

That afternoon, Nathan and Lauren attended a class where they learned how to make towel animals. I was hoping he’d use these skills at home to decorate our bathrooms, but he still hasn’t.

As an appetizer to our “real” dinner appetizer, we hit the sushi bar again. Nathan and Jonah were fans.

Noah said he wanted to go to Mexico again. I know how he feels.

We finally figured out why Josiah had been screeching so much: He cut two new teeth while we were on our cruise. That explains a lot.

We ate our last dinner in the Carnivale Dining Room.

I was sad to say goodbye to our servers, Alvin and Samuel.

Nathan was fascinated by the magician who came to our table and showed us some card tricks. (Side note: Every time I hear “magician” or “trick” or “illusion,” I think of this. Ha!)

The servers performed a song while we were eating dessert. To my surprise, Noah and Jonah got up and danced with them! They don’t look overly thrilled in this photo, but they actually had a lot of fun doing it!

After dinner, we attempted family photos again. I wouldn’t exactly call it a great success.

Outside, it was too windy.

And I didn’t have the right lighting to achieve my staircase shot.

I loved our towel animal on the last night!

Noah wanted to order ice cream from room service, but we told him that he had seriously had enough for one day. It was bed time!

Nathan and Lauren posed for a few photos before saying goodnight.

Taylor and Sydney had basically been able to do as they pleased throughout our trip. It was the last night, and I wanted to see the comedy show. Guess who babysat? That’s right. Sorry, girls.

Marty, Lisa, Andy, and I went to the adults-only comedy show, where we watched Mark Hawkins and Donnell Keith Grey. They were hilarious! Perfect ending to the night!

…

Josiah fell asleep as we were waiting in line to get off the ship.

By the time we got off the ship, he was awake. Darn it.

These warning labels made me laugh. Mexicans don’t sugarcoat it, do they?

We had to wait about 30 minutes for our motor coach ride to the resort. It was hot. And after Noah broke a shot glass in the Cayman Islands, I was scared to bring the kids into any shops. Besides, we live in a tourist town. You know what the difference is between a Florida tourist shop and a Mexican tourist shop? Nothing. No, thanks.

The resort looked like a postcard! The buffet was plentiful, but I saw one freaking fly touch the food, and it was all over. I basically ate a gallon of pico de gallo with about two large bags of tortilla chips. I also drank more than I have in the past four years combined! Before you start assuming I was crunk, that’s actually only equivalent to two pina coladas. Say what? Well, I’ve been pregnant and/or nursing since November 2006, and I don’t get out much. So, yeah. I drank two pina coladas. Holla!

My lunch.

I’m 95% sure the little ones had virgin daquiris, but I’m only 25% sure the teenagers did. We requested virgin daquiris, but I’m not confident that’s what we received. Yikes!

A surprise afternoon storm popped up, so we took shelter under the pavilion.

Jonah crapped himself. Without a diaper. Twice. I made Andy clean it up both times, because I’m a giver like that.

So, maybe he pooped his drawers, but he’s still precious! Right?

The rain only lasted about 30 minutes. Then we headed back to the beach.

He might screech like a pterodactyl, but I still love him.

I can’t believe it’s almost his first birthday!

Is he going to get all the chicks when he’s older? Yes, I believe he will.

Hooray for play time with Daddy!

As we were leaving the resort, they gave us all a survey to complete. Were you aware that Comic Sans is an international problem?

Carnival had three ships in Cozumel at the same time. I guess it’s a pretty popular port.

We didn’t have to be back on the ship until 7:30. But when we returned from our excursion, we were all hungry. We got on the ship earlier than necessary so we could clean up for dinner at 6:00. Andy entertained the boys while I took a shower. He took some cool shots of them watching as the Carnival Elation departed from the port.

Noah looked like such a big boy while drinking his water from a wine glass. Unbelievably, he didn’t spill it.

Our server Samuel made this for Jonah.

Andy, Josiah, and I went to the Lido Deck and Verandah Deck to watch the sun set and watch as the ship pulled away from the pier.

Josiah tried to play giant chess, but he didn’t really grasp the concept.

I have such special memories from Cozumel, from our honeymoon in 1999 and now with our family. I was sad to leave.

Oh, Mexico
It sounds so simple I just got to go
The sun’s so hot I forgot to go home
Guess I’ll have to go now
- James Taylor

Our ship, the Carnival Inspiration, anchored in the Cayman Islands. We were there from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm.

My awesome family! Don’t my sons look thrilled?

Marty and Sydney both had a Monster. Jonah kept swiping them and chugging them. I thought for sure he’d go crazy, but it didn’t really seem to bother him at all. Whew!

In the months leading up to our cruise, we debated on whether or not to take excursions. We know they are extremely overpriced. However, three of our kids still use car seats, which we were unable to bring with us. I was unsure what kind of independent transportation would be available at the port. Having your baby/toddler on your lap in a bus or motor coach isn’t an ideal situation, but it somehow seems much safer than doing so in a cab. Rather than take the risk, we decided to book excursions. In the Cayman Islands, we did the Explore Cayman by Land & Sea excursion. We had four stops: Hell, the Cayman Turtle Farm, a ride on a semi-submarine, and a visit to one of the island’s rum cake centers.

Now when someone tells me to go to hell, I can say I’ve already been there.

My reaction to seeing Hell was similar to my reaction to seeing Stonehenge when I was in 8th grade: Kind of fascinating, but mostly boring. Eh.

We all enjoyed the Cayman Turtle Farm. There were huge sea turtles and baby sea turtles, and everything in between. We all fell in love!

Next we went for a ride in a semi-submarine. It was air-conditioned (thank God), and it was a fun way to see the reefs, shipwrecks, and fish, since snorkeling wasn’t an option with our little ones.

Toward the end of the semi-submarine ride, Josiah lost his patience. There was really no way to make him happy except to nurse him. Since we were packed in like sardines and I didn’t really feel like putting on a show, I sat up top for the remainder of the ride. I’m so glad I did! The view was spectacular, and I got some of my favorites photos from the entire trip.

Living in Destin, we get spoiled by seeing gorgeous water regularly, yet the Cayman Islands still took my breath away.

Overall, the excursion was a letdown. Although we read the description several times, we somehow missed the fact that visiting a beach wasn’t part of the itinerary. I loved the sea turtles, but seeing that water and not being able to swim in it was pure torture. Our tour guide was great, though. He was knowledgeable and interesting. If you don’t care to swim, it’s a good excursion. But if you desperately want to soak yourself in the glowing water, I’d recommend taking a cab to the Cayman Turtle Farm, then to Seven Mile Beach. By the time our excursion was over, it was already time to be back on the ship. I literally almost started crying.

The little ones took a long nap in preparation for dinner.

We ate in the Carnivale Dining Room every night. We didn’t want to miss seeing our amazing servers, Alvin and Samuel!

After dinner, we walked around the Lido Deck and Sun Deck, and took some photos as the sun was setting.

That night, a towel dog was waiting on our bed. That was my favorite towel animal during our trip.

Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam and I had dreamed of this moment for MONTHS. Vacationing with friends is fun!

After enjoying the breakfast buffet on the Lido Deck, we went up to WaterWorks on the Verandah Deck. The kids (not including the two teens) absolutely loved playing in the water. It was their favorite thing about the ship!

We ate lunch in the Mardi Gras Dining Room. Uh-oh! Sushi was on the menu! We didn’t exactly practice restraint when ordering. Obnoxious? Probably.

It was formal night, so I made sure the three little boys had good naps that afternoon.

FYI, when you have a family of seven, it’s very difficult to get a good family photo. This was the best shot of about 20 attempts. Oh, well.

Taylor and Sydney looked lovely, but way too grown up.

Despite the long afternoon nap, Jonah slept through dinner. Throughout the cruise, he actually slept through two dinners and one lunch. I guess the dining room soothed him?

The cabin TVs had a channel that always told you exactly where the ship was, the sea depth, the cruising speed, etc. I’ve always been fascinated by water depth, so I watched that channel often. When I checked it one last time before going to bed, I was shocked to discover that the water depth was 14,290 feet. For some reason, I thought the Gulf of Mexico was, I don’t know, like 13,000 feet shallower than that? To be honest, it freaked me out. I’m not a scientist, but the ratio of our ship size to water depth made me consider the ratio of a grain of sand to an Olympic swimming pool. {shudders}